Thats because I eat Doritos chips too loudly. Because nowadays, the industry prefers singles over albums. Average, I think, that sounds about right. Want to equip yourself with more responses? 92. This one is a bit depressing, which is why you should watch when you use it. Just standing here waiting for stupid questions I guess. 83. What a miracle. This way, youre insulting themand they just might be dumb enough not to notice. Nikhil Saluja, "Immortality . 84. 75. 13. You sure have a bodacious rackfor a guy. I was gonna try #6 "Any finer I'd be China." 41. Wait, are you my Superman/Wonder Woman? For instance, have you hooked up since you've broken up? I'm glad to know that you're alive.". "All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage." Lord Byron (poet) Because apparently, you need to go outside and talk to people to date. I'm alive, whoa! a fate worse than death." Im a little busy right now, but Id love the chance to ignore you some other time. You don't want to give the same, bland answer all the time. It is a basic courtesy that when one of your leads converts to a paying customer, you demonstrate your gratitude and make their transfer as smooth as possible. 31. 38. Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace: What Does It Mean? I am doing a bit better than before, but not nearly as awesome as I am going to be. Be grateful if it happens in that order. David Gerrold (author), Self-decapitation is an extremely difficult, not to say dangerous, thing to attempt. WS Gilbert (dramatist), I bequeath my entire estate to my wife on the condition that she marries again. 97. He was a good OP, of impeccable character. Nevertheless, it can be a great approach to start a lively discussion! I and others have experienced, on several occasions, that your breath. Let me introduce you to a man who wrote a comeback so good, he instantly won a date. Passed into the next room and told me to tell you go fuck yourself. In My Phone or On My Phone Which is Correct? Some people may have thyroid problems, but I can tell youre fat because youre lazy. Ive had worse. Nice outfit. [Read: How to be a fun texter and make anyone laugh while reading your texts]. My bed only has enough room for me and my dog. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. April 6, 2018 There's nothing funny about being in a courtroom. Recognize the other person's boundaries, and try not to cross them. If I wanted to commit suicide, Id climb your ego and jump to your IQ level. Its better to be single with high standards than be in a relationship settling for less. | Are you surviving? At the end of the day, if theyre not putting in the effort to let you know theyre not interested, theyre probably not worth your time. 39. Call the police." 13 Quora User I didnt realize it at first, but I grew up and turned into a Squidward. Alternatively, you can let them know you are doing well but still need time to process your emotions. Overwatch 2 Friendly Reminder To Leave a LIKE & SUBSCRIBE, ThanksJoin this channel to get access to perks:https://www.youtube.com/cha. So perhaps the issue is not that they are taking a long time to reply. *wink*. A real low-life. I hear good things; however, you should never listen to rumors. Now that is pretty f****** funny. Theyre incapacitated when it comes to sending a simple text, yet they can Insta their whole day. Hope you're well". Great, but I should warn you that I am totally biased. *licks lips*. Id love to see things from your perspective, but its almost impossible to get my head up your ass that far. Sorry, life. No, waitIm actually plural. 53. I only went to the gym four times instead of my usual five." Sarcastic response: "Yeah totally. Your hair looks great! Why do you ask? Thank you, it made my day. [Read: 30 foolproof pickup lines and 10 you should never ever use]. It's one of the best replies to "How are you?" 15. I cant afford to die; Id lose too much money. George Burns (comedian), I do not fear death. Your response should depend on the rapport you share with the sender. [Read: 20 wise medieval insults you could bring back into trend]. Being single is much better than being married. Youre totally on the same page. Sure isnt my pay, Im still pretty broke. 22. Then I hope you find someone whos good looking, honest, smart, and cultured. Because they are already taking their time. As for me, I cant even afford honey! Come to think of it, your face is old, too. (Wriggle your hips) I am as happy as a tick on a big, fat doggy. Humans are sophisticated beings, but we are also creatures of habit who say one thing while we mean something else. Maybe because I clap my hands when the credits roll at the end of a movie? For some reason, some people think that not texting back is cool. How do you get it to curl out of your nostrils like that? I plead the fifth. Well, Im hoping its going to get a lot better, I cant lie. I favour the "How am I what?" You have an old soul. I see youve chosen this time to humiliate yourself in public. Because a single-storey is much more economical than a double-storey. You should eat some of that makeup, so you can be pretty on the inside. If you've been stuck inside doing chores and homework all day, and your parents ask you how you are, what response do they expect? Perhaps you said something as egregious as Hey. You may join me, though. How are you? If I had a tail, I would wag it! Why is it OK for you to be an idiot, but not OK for me to point it out? Read more about Martin here. I thought you already knew you were a sociopath. Or you could be humorous back at them and say "No, I'm not. funny response to are you still alive. Youre not as bad as everyone says. Thats the biggest joke Ive heard recently. Feeling confident? Maybe they had a giant project at work and lost contact with all their friends and loved ones. response, because I need clarity in my interactions. I've Been Thinking About You Too They might not be with you right now, but they will always be on your mind. Best "How Are You?" Answers. Hemali Adhiya, ICF Certified Relationship Coach, Expertise: Relationships, Marriage, Couples, Grief, Life Coaching, Hemali is an ICF-Certified ACC Level Life Coach with 3 years of experience in relationship, marriage, and grief coaching. It lets him know that you love spending time together. Youre not really expecting them to write you an essay. My guardian angel be like 2. If youre going to be two-faced, you could at least make one of them pretty. Check-in later and well find out if I did or not. Do you want the short or the detailed version? Theres only one problem with your face: I can see it. Youre supposed to think that theyre so busy being cool that they dont have time for you. Im in a loving, committed relationship with my bed. 18. "Fine" is a boring conversation-killer. If you like me, send them while Im alive. Brian Clough (football team manager), I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. Clarence Darrow (lawyer), Millions long for immortality who dont know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. Susan Ertz (author), In this world, nothing can be certain, except death and taxes. Benjamin Franklin (inventor), Life is hard. If you are not happy being single, then you will never be happy being in a relationship. More like, How I Met That Jerk I Quickly Forgot About. So, ditch the mechanical responses and adopt the witty and fun replies to keep the conversations exciting! 2. 96. 382 Likes, 344 Comments. What Is A Micro Wedding And How To Plan It? 12. Could be payday. Your question is registered, we will answer when in the mood. Why dont you tell me, you seem to have a pretty good view from there. Alive Jokes. 48 smart and sarcastic lines and quotes that kick ass! Rita Rudner (comedian), "When I die, I want my body to be donated for research, but more specifically, to a scientist who is working on bringing dead bodies back to life." Im telling you, the trash gets taken out more than me. Who knows, they might just do it. What? So the next time someone asks you why you're still. I have a feeling that my soulmate is somewhere out there pushing a pull door right now. With a self-assured stance and casual body language, you won't create any . Make sure the person you say this to is able to take a joke. You can put your foot in your mouth and your head up your ass at the same time! 29. Some people spend all their time on their phone. It would be easy to answer that question with a simple "I'm fine, thank you.". Everything is always better on payday right!? All our lives, we were taught to follow our passion. Maybe I am a kindergartner? 3. So, it might be wise to double-check they're still alive before you complain. This one is bound to get a laugh. If you are in a coma, then that is a valid excuse for not texting back. 1. If they are not going to reply, perhaps the archaeologists who discover their phone will. It doesn't mean that you don't actually take showers. 82. Grab a few of these snarky but oh-savage good comebacks ahead of time, and youll be ready to win any argument. 5. Funny responses to "How are you?" Photo courtesy of Canva. The living are getting rarer. Eugene Lonesco (playwright), Dying is easy; its living that scares me to death. Annie Lennox (musician), If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button. Sam Levenson (humorist), Ive looked that old scoundrel death in the eyes many times but this time I think he has me on the ropes. Douglas MacArthur (general), Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up. Wilson Mizner (playwright), The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades, especially if your teammates are bad guessers. Demetri Martin (comedian), I intend to live forever or die trying. Groucho Marx (comedian), Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it. William Somerset Maugham (author), The art of dying graciously is nowhere advertised in spite of the fact that its market potential is great. Milton Mayer (author), At my age, I do what Mark Twain did. Just so you know, I value me time over we time. I was hoping you would be able to tell me that. I'm overqualified! As a result, they were so fixated on thinking about you, they forgot to reply to you. Are you Jamaican? ", This one works well when you're still in your pajamas or are having a bad hair day. How much are you willing you pay me if I tell you? Use them as you see fit when someone pokes their nose on your relationship status. Doing fairly well, unless you have some contagious disease and are about to infect me . 39 Heartfelt Poems For Your Mom On Her Birthday, Mom And Daughter Relationship: Everything You Need To Know, 150 Special Ways To Wish Your Long-Distance Girlfriend On Her Birthday, 39 Long-Distance Love Letters To Show Your Love For Him, 51 Good Morning Messages For Her In A Long-Distance Relationship, 24 Beautiful And Touching Poems For People In Long-Distance Relationships, 15 Most Important Things In A Relationship, 61 Great Long-Distance Friendship Quotes And Sayings, 9 Important Qualities Of A Healthy And Happy Relationship. Voltaire (philosopher), "As you get older, three things happen. It is a common belief that auto-responses are monotonous and boring. [Read: 33 very creative insults to intellectually insult someone with your sarcasm]. She works wit more, Harini Natarajan , Certified Emotional Intelligence Practitioner, Expertise: Relationships, Beauty & Lifestyle, Health & Wellness, As Head Of Content Operations, Harini sets the tone and editorial direction for StyleCraze to deliver engaging, interesting, and authentic content revolving around women's health, wellness, and beauty more. Youre about as sharp as a bowling ball. There is no gray area (<brain matter joke): either you are brain-dead or you are not. Are you serious? Because Im awkward and ugly. I'm Not Sure How to Answer That!? Pick your struggle. Should I consider that a marriage proposal from you? HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Could be better, though. I had promised myself I would murder the next person who asked me that question. Perhaps you are just such an exciting person. You dont need to say it. What do you mean Im still single. At minding my own business? It depends on what or who I compare myself to. It would be great if puppies would stay puppies forever. Save it for your best friend, but avoid using it on your teacher. If you're friendly and check in with each other here and there, reply but keep the conversation short. Best 45 seconds of my life. But, they will grow up into a dog. 14. 1. You know when you go to meet some friends, or friends of your friends, or to a party or whatever, when you meet someone new, at some point people ask you: "SO WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?" And what I wanted to do in this thread is list the craziest answers that you can give, you know, shock people or create an extremely awkard moment. [deleted] 5 yr. ago. Your relationship status is your business alone (and your partners, if you have one). Things You Should Know about Birth Control Pills 62 Beautiful Makeup Inspos for Girls Who Are Not Afraid to Play with Color "Like an echo asking a shadow to dance on a mirage, this one is even funnier when an ugly person says, My friend always says "gooder". 77. 63. (bonus points to you if you sing it). Let them know that you're itching to go on a date. I wrote him a cheque for it, post-dated of course. Chic Murray (comedian), When I die, I hope to go to heaven, whatever the hell that is. Ayn Rand (author), The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesnt get worse every time congress meets. Will Rogers (actor), "My grandmother was a very tough woman. I know youre nobodys fool, but maybe youll be adopted someday. It was also revealed that 40% of users who said they had done the ghosting did so because they simply didnt know how to explain their disinterest and felt that disappearing altogether was less hurtful. Here, there are hilarious replies, witty comebacks, flirty responses, and many other answers to this question. but that was before I read Fred's comment below. [Read: How to learn to be witty and win over everyone in the room]. Thats because Im like the last slice of pizza. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. No, not really. Id punch you in the face, but the thought of touching your face disgusts me. I used to think you were a pain in the neck. . I hope you like some of them. Was that comment meant to offend me? Dear family and friends of Arthur Dayn, As we enter into an unprecedented dark age with the invisible enemy known as COVID-19, the life of our dear friend Arthur Dayn ends. Steven Wright (comedian), "What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death." Listen, maybe your crush really did lose their phone. Well, seeing as you care, how long do you have? Have you been thinking? Share the best GIFs now >>> Its the same reason why I dont post pictures of myself. Its not my choice, but its still a choice. I have been going through GOT in my work life. 7. How do you usually respond to the question? However, it is best to stick to the basics with a colleague. Do you ever find yourself getting annoyed with yourself because you just thought of an awesomely good comeback to something someone said earlier? and our Spiritually? Thats no excuse for treating someone like they dont exist, especially since 85% of participants said theyd rather be told upfront that someones not feeling it. Then you die. 1. I'm so sorry I expected you to acknowledge my existence after hanging out? I had been dead for billions of years before I was born and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience. Mark Twain (author), Im not afraid to die, I just dont want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen (comedian), The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. Dave Barry (author), Always go to other peoples funerals, otherwise they wont come to yours. Yogi Berra (baseball player), Im very pleased to be here. You should really come with a warning label. I guess what Im trying to say is, pick your response carefully based on who youre talking to. I'm not saying I hate you, what I'm saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life. Use the opportunity to make a good impression. Break the cycle, rise above, focus on science! Arthur lived a short life, but none could doubt that it was a good one. 37. I dont tell you how to live your life, dont tell me how to live mine thanks. Some people are going to find your witty responses funny, and some people arent. Maybe they like you so much that it triggered some kind of reaction that ended their life. [Read: How to have playful banter and keep the flirting alive forever]. Siri, why am I still single? 57. Ive seen your kind before but last time, I had to pay admission. I'm not Hal and we're not in space. You don't need to say it. Discover what these funny, yet morbid, jokes about burial and death have in common in this hilarious piece about "Alive Jokes". Could have been worse, right. I dont know. Which one you use would depend on particular circumstances, but in the example you gave, I think "still alive" probably works best. 1. [Read: 48 smart and sarcastic lines and quotes that kick ass!]. Damn, now why didnt you think of it earlier?! provided, of course, that he really is dead." 68. 93. I dont chase them just to satisfy my sexual desires. Oct 13, 2021 - Explore Beverly Sadler Majkut's board "MAXINE CARTOONS", followed by 864 people on Pinterest. Also you texted very late; I would think one of my friends were joking or drunk since it's near Halloween. If you're brain-dead, you're dead. Im in a relationship with myself. Finnish with this conversation! Yup, I dont share it. Thats because the person I like doesnt like me back. Are you going to marry me? Life is up to something. In reality, they are not cool, they are just rude. Spiritually? I was hoping you would be able to tell me that. Once youre dead, youre made for life. Jimi Hendrix (musician), Death will be a great relief, no more interviews. Katharine Hepburn (actress), Death is a delightful hiding place for weary men. Herodotus (historian), You know youre old when the candles cost more than the cake. Bob Hope (comedian), Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them. EW Howe (author), There are more dead people than living, and their numbers are increasing. I cant complain, not that anyone listens anyway. But sometimes sending a little message before excommunication can give you the confidence boost you need to dropkick them from your mind for forever. Virginia Woolf (author), "When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction." 3. Do you really care? It's best to say when you're in a horrible situation, like in a class you can't stand. Living a life of suppressed rage, emotional imbalance, and denial. What's your sign? - Adam Feb 23, 2016 at 17:08 Still with us. Thank you Fred. If I had a tail, I'd wag it. Living the dream! Physically? Because Jamaican me crazy! The best I can be. Here's one to use when you're having a spectacular day. Im sorry I hurt your feelings. Not sure why you're asking me my age. Nevertheless, life must go on, and sometimes you just have to go with the flow, as they sayeven if you don't want to discuss your relationship status! Too early to say, it hasnt finished yet. I could never tell when someones flirting with me or if theyre just being nice. Everyone wants me, but no one dares! He sold it to me on his deathbed. 6. I was doing great, before you came. But if youre getting fed up with always being asked the same questions, you shouldnt feel bad about giving a funny or witty reply. Oh, a thought crossed your mind? IDK, pick your favorite fictional player. I am the hurricane setting fire to the forests at night when no one else is alive or awake however you choose to see it and I live in my own flames sometimes burning too bright and too wild to make things last or handle myself or anyone else and so I run. 13. These comebacks are best for those situations where you dont just want to insult someoneyou want to own the room. 64. If this is the person youre talking to, just insure them that you are aware they are not away from their phone. 12. It must have been a long, lonely journey. Most of the time, that is not true. Funny as phuck. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future. 74. Figuring out how to respond to a ghoster is all a matter of accepting whats done. 66. As geeky as it is, this funny response to I love you has got to make you chuckle. A romantic relationship would severely impair my crime-fighting order of business. Im jealous of people who dont know you. Because it sounds like some kind of automated message. Playful and sassy dig, then blocked. Maybe the reply is just taking a long time to come back. I am really just trying hard to avoid ambiguous questions at this moment. Scroll down! When they play it cool, play it ice cold. To answer that question, I need to take you back about 12 years. Plotting how Im going to take over the world. That's impossible. Conspiracy theorist group QAnon hit a bizarre milestone on Tuesday, when its supporters gathered for what they believed would be the return of the late JFK junior - who, they postured, would be. Hence, you may need to put in some effort to keep the conversation flowing. Thinking of you not existing makes me want to masturbate. A A A Remember the time when you hated your ex too much that you wanted him dead? Now you can be! I dont go around asking how youre still married, do I? When I eat cake, I flip it upside-down just so I can lick the icing off the plate! For more information, please see our But, if you do say it, it will highlight the problem. However, we wouldn't recommend you to overdone your sarcasm. Through humorous musings about Scalia's . By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Looking for funny responses to everyday questions? 1. count_scoopula 6 yr. ago. You don't want others to assume that you feel as horrible as you look, so this is the way to set them straight. Things could be worse I could be you (for siblings ). Stupidity isnt a crime. If you're really feeling them, you can give them one last chance to make up for their communication lag. Thats because Im still waiting for you. You can fire back with a witty and flirty response. Same thing youre doing, talking to you now. - Anonymous. funny response to are you still alive. If you don't want to explain how you're feeling, then don't. Image: wikimedia commons 6. (Use a sexy tone). Not even the fussiest, or clingiest person in the world would expect a dead person to reply to them. Acting like a prick doesnt make yours grow bigger. I've come up with a compilation of funny and clever answers to the question Why are you still single?. "I'm alright, mate". Use them as you see fit when someone pokes their nose on your relationship status. Check out the following infographic for some practical tips to maintain a conversation and take it forward.SaveIllustration: StyleCraze Design Team. 33 very creative insults to intellectually insult someone with your sarcasm, How to be a fun texter and make anyone laugh while reading your texts.